Book Review: Why Her? Why I LOVED This Book.

Let’s talk about The Book:  Why Her? By Nicki Koziarz

For years I would watch a dear friend of mine talk about dates and get together’s she was having.  I envied her life.  And I felt left out.  Why didn’t she invite me to all the other gatherings she was going to?

Or maybe just a few of them?

I knew in my heart that she was just an amazing fun woman after God’s heart and she was normal.  Which meant she also had hurts and hang ups like I did.

But seeing the posts and friends and invites were tugging at my heart.

The human part of my heart…

Fast forward to social media and those feelings of the ‘why didn’t I get invited?’ grew even stronger.  I mean really…. I love people!!! People love me….. Or don’t they???

Truth be told I knew in my heart those occasions weren’t for me.  What I actually needed was her honest loving truth.  A few years ago during a heartfelt conversations between 2 other long time sisters in Christ I asked… “Out of Curiosity, why didn’t you ever invite me to any of those events you went to?”  The other friend could be seen nodding also in approval of the question… ?  Or in total shock I went there!!!!

I’m sticking with approval.  Denial makes me feel better.

Her smile and laughter was heartfelt and words were just exactly what I needed…. “Oh don’t go there girlfriend!”  She exclaimed.  “I have lots of friends I do things with.  I just want to have fun in life.  Don’t put that on me!”  She exclaimed that in a laughter that I know from her as genuine and loving.

What I got from her statement and she went on to say… Is she has a variety of friends.  She loves everyone and she has a vast array of support people that support her in tough times and that she supports in tough times… She has enough love for them all.

I know this to be true.  She was actually visiting me during an extremely tough time at this very moment.  She was filling me up despite my deflated question to her.

That’s a true friend!

Her speaking truth to me at that moment was exactly what I needed.

Then there are ‘those’ women that have the book deals and huge homes and everything you could imagine… that one might want!!!! The TV shows!!!!

So this book I just listened to was an exact refresher of that moment and all the other moments where I just wish I could rub up against ‘her’ and hope that some of what she has rubs off on me.


Why Her?  By Nicki Koziarz is by far an amazing must read book.  Totally worth the read.. or listen to.  It is available on the Hoopla app with my library.. but to be honest.. I really was wishing I was underlining a lot of the book for future reference.

So it may end up in my book shelves in the future.  Just saying….

I have actually lived the last 12 years hiding most of my joys and successes.  When I met my husband I was working as a Dispatcher for a large agency and a co-worker would come in loudly commenting on how if she wasn’t married by the time she was 30… and how upset she was if others got a man before her…. I remember her voice to this day…. That when I met my husband and even while we were just friends… I didn’t say anything to the general office.

When the rumors started flying and I heard her talking about it… I hid behind the door and let her run on and on about how unfair it was… and other things…. Coming out only after she was gone.  I felt bad for her.  I was happy and she was miserable.

When I got engaged… I didn’t joyfully boast about it…. Because I knew it would hurt her feelings and upset a few others…

When my husband got a promotion… I didn’t joyfully boast about it… I didn’t want to upset the other’s that applied and didn’t get it.

Satan was having a field day with me… Keeping all the fun things that God was doing in and around us.. and wrapping them up in a nice sealed package and sticking them in a vault.  I talked a lot.. but not about any of the good things… in fear someone would hate me for the success that was happening to me.

Worst of all… I stopped striving for success and what I felt was where God was wanting me to be because I didn’t want to cause someone else to be miserable!

I lost myself!

Nicki unpacks this whole phenomenon perfectly.  When you scroll social media and you see something and you feel left out…  Pray for them… Praise God for them… and love on them and engage with them… ask them how they got to where they are… what roads were difficult for them… love on them… and let God know you truly are happy for them in how  you treat them.

It truly is an amazing book.

About 10 months ago I stopped holding back posts.  I stopped not posting because I was going to hurt someone’s feelings. and I stopped hiding the good in my life.  Mainly because I felt God telling me to love on people and be bold about it and don’t hold back His love from shining through me!!!

I started to find myself.

I started to live life!

So I started posting and sharing.  About nearly everything.  I also started meeting people at coffee shops and bakeries and walking in to offices to just say hello!

Hey there I care, here’s a head of lettuce!!!!

Trust me… I did that!!!  I love that girlfriend.. Her reaction was priceless!!!!!

Making people laugh and feel loved is what I want to do.  Sitting around a coffee shop and shooting the breeze and learning about something amazing a friend is doing… and encouraging them into taking the next step in starting the business they have always wanted to do….

ALL OF IT!!!!!

That’s me!!!

But there is a downside to it all.  I have heard recently many times that friends are commenting on how they feel left out.  They see everyone posting the fun stuff they do with others on social media and they just wish they could be invited too.

Funny how they never comment on how they wish they could also be the one that accidentally put’s deodorant in their hair!!!!!

We best not ask… just move on….

And my heart breaks…. But I have to remember that friend all those years ago that laughed off my comment with pure love and showed me that no matter who was being a “debbie downer” she wasn’t going to let it affect her.

Sidebar: (Do you ever wonder who this Debbie was and why she was so down?)

Sidebar to my sidebar:  (I want to take her coffee!)

So I am learning to laugh it off!!!  Because there is enough love for all of us to spread it around like sticky peanut butter and share it with everyone!

I love how Nicki drew the story of Rachel and Leah in such vivid detail that I literally caught myself standing in the shop…. drill in hand… wondering about the tension in the room between those 2!  Their story isn’t knew to me by any means… but Nicki totally gave it a 3-D modern daytime drama like no one else!

And Nicki… it reminded me of Beth Moore’s study Esther…. I was drawn to your book so much so… I listened to it in one entire non stop listening!

And sister look!!!!!!!

She also has a bible study with video’s!!!!  It’s Called Rachel & Leah By Nicki Koziarz

There is a bible study to the book!!!!!!!

Wait… wait.. wait….

(Digging the Bible Insider fall edition box out… (We’ve been a little busy here)

Oh my heavens….


I actually already own it!!!!!!  I am squealing with excitement!!

Just in case you want to actually hear about it.. Because you do my friends.. You really do…. Watch this video…


I have to admit.. I love  her voice!  Her calming tone just screams… Come on my friend.. let’s have coffee life will be ok!

Have a great morning my sisters in Christ!


*Some affiliate links


Published by thebettencourts

Jesus lover. Wife. Mother. Writer. Homesteader. Permaculturist. Do'er of the odd things as I take you on my daily journey's of what I find beautiful. If you are reading this... I am treating you as a dear friend. Or one of our beautiful daughters. Life is worth fighting for and excelling in. Never give up!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: